Nurtureshock

We learn how to parent from our own parents, and many of us have had that uncomfortable aha moment when we realize that we are turning into them.

Not that we can't make conscious choices to parent differently. Reading the research on parenting in NurtureShock provides a great opportunity to re-examine our parenting methods. For instance, does praise hurt or help a child? Is our strategy to promote truthfulness encouraging our child to become a better liar?

The research is thought-provoking.

Po Bronson began his career in finance, but abandoned that to become a novelist. His first book, Bombardiers, became a bestseller. He switched to non-fiction and wrote another bestseller, What Should I Do With My Life? (I enjoyed reading it when it came out in 2002.)

Ashley Merryman is a lawyer who served in the Clinton administration as a speechwriter and worked as a researcher for Al Gore. She runs a church-based tutoring program for inner-city children.

There are some interesting videos and articles on their website, here.

This is a terrific video that Jeeves suggested we watch:

Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman's new book was published last month and it sounds intriguing. Read an interview about the book here.

What are the differences between a winning and losing performance? Why are we able to rise to the challenge one day, but wilt from it the next? Can we in fact become better competitors? In TOP DOG, Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman use cutting edge science to tease out the hidden factors at the core of every great triumph - and every tragic failure. By enabling you to identify your own competitive style, TOP DOG will help you tip the odds of success in your favor. Integrating wisdom from politics, finance, genetics, neuroscience, psychology, military training, sports, economics, education and more, TOP DOG offers counterintuitive, game-changing insights into the nature of competition, such as:

• Why the home field advantage in sports is just as relevant in diplomacy and deal-making
• That women are better at judging risk, while men are better at ignoring it - and how this plays out on K Street and Wall Street
• Why younger siblings are more competitive than first-borns, and how early-childhood influences shape competitive styles forever
• That the shape of entrepreneurs' hands can be just as revealing as their business plans
• How a single biochemical can predict a winner before an event has even begun
• Why discord can be better than harmony, and why stars on a team do deserve special treatment.

As President Dwight Eisenhower said, "What counts is not necessarily the size of the dog in the fight-it's the size of the fight in the dog." In TOP DOG, Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman reveal the size of the fight in all of us.

Uprising

Just over a hundred years ago, on March 25, 1911, 146 workers were tragically killed in the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory Fire. It was the deadliest industrial accident in New York City's history.

I am a Margaret Peterson Haddix fan, mostly for her science fiction and fantasy books, and I am so glad that her editor suggested she write a book about the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory Fire. At the time, there weren't any books for young readers written on that tragedy, even though many important laws were passed because of it.

Here is the review I wrote on Goodreads when I read it in 2009:

"In the early 1900s the factories in New York City were booming and immigrants from all over the world were streaming in. Yetta is a Jewish girl from Russia who is passionate about fighting for better working conditions at the shirtwaist factory, Bella has immigrated from Italy and is working to send money home to her starving family, and Jane leaves her wealthy family to find her own way. These girls came alive, as did their stories, and I cared deeply about them. Though this story doesn't have a 'happily ever after"' ending, it left an indelible mark on me."

Here are some photos from that time:

An Italian woman is taking home a bundle of cloth for her family to sew:

Inside the factory:

Some of the women who lobbied for changes:

The firemen weren't able to effectively fight the fire:

The factory in ruins:

The often unrecognizable remains of the women who perished:

In April of 1911, the citizens of New York City joined together to mourn:

American Experience has a great 50-minute video that you can watch [here].

Jeeves heard Gay Ducey tell the story of the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory Fire at the Orem Library three years ago and felt that it was well worth your time.

I thought it was very good, as well.

If you want to learn more, Cornell University has a website dedicated to remembering the fire and its victims. You can find it [here].

This new picture book will be available on January 22, 2013.

When Clara Lemlich arrived in America, she couldn't speak English. She didn't know that young women had to go to work, that they traded an education for long hours of labor, that she was expected to grow up fast. But that did not stop Clara. She went to night school, spent hours studying English, and helped support her family by sewing in a factory. Clara never quit. And she never accepted that girls should be treated poorly and paid little. So Clara fought back. Fed up with the mistreatment of her fellow laborers, Clara led the largest walkout of women workers in the country's history. Clara had learned a lot from her short time in America. She learned that everyone deserved a fair chance. That you had to stand together and fight for what you wanted. And, most importantly, that you could do anything you put your mind to.

Unfortunately, industrial fires did not end with the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory. In November 2012, there was a factory fire in Bangladesh that killed at least 112 people.

 ABC News Report about the Bangladesh fire  is available [here]

It's scary how little is learned from the past.

Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother

The complete subtitle of Amy Chua's 2011 memoir is:

“This is a story about a mother, two daughters, and two dogs. This was supposed to be a story of how Chinese parents are better at raising kids than Western ones. But instead, it's about a bitter clash of cultures, a fleeting taste of glory, and how I was humbled by a thirteen-year-old.”

When Amy Chua wrote Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother she had no idea that it would trigger a fire storm of controversy. It obviously struck a nerve with western and eastern parents alike, for very different reasons.

Here she is with her lovely violin and piano-playing daughters . . .

and the rest of the family.

It's interesting to see the family dynamics in this short video:

Another short video clip with daughter, Sophia, speaking out:

Sophia Chua-Rubenfeld also spoke out by writing an article for the New York Post titled, "Why I Love My Strict Chinese Mom." Read it [here].

If you have time, this almost six minute video is very interesting:

There is an interesting interview with Amy Chua on NPR [here].

And another interview with Penguin [here].

Discussion Questions from LitLovers:

1. What is your overall reaction to Battle Hymn of the Mother Tiger? Are you appalled or impressed, in agreement, disagreement...or something else?

2. What kind of mother is Amy Chua? Do you wish you'd had a mother like Chua? Or that you were a mother like Chua?

3. Is this a parenting manual? Are Western parents too soft on, or too permissive toward, their children? Does Amy Chua offer an alternative parenting model?

4. What is the most extreme example of Amy Chua's mothering? Which incidents stuck with you more than others—the piano practice threats? The birthday card rejection?

5. Success for Chua is important: how does she define success...and how do you define it? How important is success to you?

6. Consider whether Chua's children are such extraordinarily high achievers (musically and academically) because of their strict upbringing...or because of their innate abilities, i.e., genetics? (See her father's background in the Author Bio above.)

7. According to Chua, her parenting method is typical of Chinese families. Is their method—with its strict demands for high achievement—superior to that of Western parents? How would you describe the differences between parenting in the two cultures?

8. Chua wishes to reverse what she sees as "a remarkably common pattern" of decline in the Chinese immigrant family. According to Chua, first generation immigrants exercise strict discipline. Their children, the second generation, will "typically be high-achieving" but less strict with their children. And the third generation, "will feel that they have individual rights guaranteed by the U.S. Constitution"—an attitude that ultimately leads to to disobedience and generational decline. Is the decline Chua describes real? Have other immigrant populations experienced the same pattern?

9. Do you agree or disagree with Chua's criticisms of various aspects of Western culture—Facebook and junk food being two examples?

10. What does Chua think of the Western emphasis on self-esteem? Do you agree...or disagree with her assessment?

11. Chua dismisses the happy endings of Disney family movies by saying that that's "just Disney's way of appealing to all the people who never win prizes." What do you think—are the movies' soft-focus on parenting values pandering to low-achievers, to those who will never rise above average?

12. Part of Chua's rationale is that she understands what all Chinese parents understand: "that nothing is fun until you're good at it." Do you agree? Is playing the piano well as an adult, for instance, worth those toothmarks bitten into the piano as a child?

13. Chua says of herself, "the truth is I'm good at enjoying life." What do you make of her admission? Has she risked teaching her daughters the same attitude toward life?

14. What role does Chua's husband, Jed, play in all this? What should his role have been? What do you make of the fact that Chua is not unlike his own mother?

15. How did her sister's illness change Chua's views on life?

16. When Lulu had her outburst in Russia, did you root for her, or shrink back in horror?

17. How, eventually, is Chua "humbled" by her daughters—in what way do they prove wiser than their mother? Is, in fact, Chua truly humbled by Lulu? Does she have a genuine awakening?

18. What area some of the books humorous moments. Many reviewers talked about laughing out loud. What sections do you find especially funny, even hilarious?
19. Is success worth the time and effort it takes to maintain oversight and discipline...and, most especiallly, is it worth a child's unhappiness? Is that unhappiness only momentary in the larger scheme of life? In the end, is the payoff—a lifetime of accomplishment—worth the cost?

20. What do you predict for Chua's daughters? Do you think they will raise their children with the same strict standards their mother applied to them?

Book to Film Adaptations

It's always fun to see how books we have read are conceptualized by filmmakers.

Sometimes I am disappointed,

sometimes I am baffled,

(The inexplicable change in the ending of My Sister's Keeper, for example.)

 and sometimes I am impressed by the filmmaker's brilliance and imagination.

The Lord of the Rings trilogy was beyond anything I could have imagined.

The first of three movies depicting The Hobbit will be released on December 14, 2012.

See the trailer [here].

(In case you are interested, Richard Armitage, the British actor who played John Thornton in North and South and Guy of Gisborne in Robin Hood will be playing Thorin Oakenshield!)

Unlike my daughter who is angry about every single change in the Harry Potter movies, I don't need the filmmakers to stay true to the book in every particular. I understand that the medium is different and that some characters will be deleted, some will be combined, some of the subplots will be eliminated, etc. There is no way to include the richness of detail that was included in the book. I just want the movie to stay true to the book at its heart, which I think many of us thought The Help adaptation accomplished.

But how are they going to pull off Life of Pi with the weather, water and wild animals? And how will they deal with the ambiguity and symbolism?

Life of Pi is in 3D and will be released on November 21, 2012.

After watching this trailer I am definitely intrigued.

The author, Yann Martel, weighs in on the movie [here].

This short video features the author and the director, Ang Lee.

It's definitely worth watching.

 

The movie I am most excited to watch is Les Miserables, which will be released on Christmas Day 2012. 

I have seen several of the other film adaptations and have been sorely disappointed in each one of them, including the 1998 movie starring Liam Neeson, which many others enjoyed.

Since Les Miserables has had such a profound influence on my life, the movie version has a lot to live up to for me.

But after watching this video I

cannot

wait!!!

Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand

Laura Hillenbrand wrote Louis Zamperini's amazing and inspiring story in her best-selling book, Unbroken: a World War II Story of Survival, Resilience, and Redemption. Her first book, Seabiscuit, was also a best-seller and was made into an award-winning movie, starring Tobey Maguire and Jeff Bridges. Both stories were about overcoming incredible odds, which Hillenbrand is very familiar with in her own life.

Hillenbrand wrote Unbroken  from her Washington, D.C. home, where she is mostly home bound because of a debilitating case of chronic fatigue syndrome. She has suffered from this illness for twenty five years, dealing with severe vertigo and the accompanying nausea, weakness, and debilitating fatigue. She is a true survivor in her own right.

She wrote poignantly about her experience with her illness in an article for the New Yorker.

During the seven years it took Hillenbrand to write the book, she and Zamperini never saw each other face-to-face, but communicated over the phone. It was Zamperini's great desire to meet Hillenbrand--his hero--and her health improved enough at one point for that to be possible.

Zamperini, Hillenbrand, and John Nabor, a former Olympian and friend of Zamperini

In 2008, Hillenbrand married her long-time boyfriend and college sweetheart, Borden Flanagan, who is a professor of government at American University. She talks about how he saved her life in her New Yorker article and their love story is chronicled in Bethesda Magazine.

Perhaps it took someone like Hillenbrand, whose steely persistence is required daily, to do justice to Zamperini's story.

Immortality of Henrietta Lacks

I know you are all busy, but it would be great if you looked at some of the great extras online. Rebecca Skloot has a terrific website, with lots of interesting goodies: extra photos, videos, audio, and much, much more. I don't know if I've ever seen so many extra resources on an author's website. There's even a Jeopardy game! When you click here, you can find pictures that weren't published in the book, the original BBC documentary referenced in the book, and video from the 1950's of HeLa cells growing in the lab.

Watch a video of the author discussing the structure of the book [here].

There's  a nine-minute video with the author, Rebecca Skloot and some of the Lacks family.
(CBS Sunday Morning)

Don't have that much time? Here's a shorter video from ABC News.

Or watch a 2 1/2 minute book trailer:

COMING SOON

• Oprah Winfrey has purchased the movie rights for the book. Alan Ball (True Blood) has been hired to produce it and a screenwriter is working on the script.

• Rebecca Skloot's new book will focus on the human-animal bond and explore some of the biggest, and as yet unanswered, questions at the heart of animals’ roles in our lives. She worked for more than a decade in veterinary medicine, first as a nurse for animals in general practices and emergency rooms, and later as a technician in veterinary morgues and neurology labs. In writing her book, she will weave personal stories — her own and others’ — with science, medicine, ethics, and history.

Celebrating Women's Voices

I didn't know when I met Karen thirty one years ago that she would become one of the most influential people of my life. We met when I was a young, starry-eyed college student, newly engaged to her brother, and she was a stay-at-home mom expecting her fourth child. She and her husband had hit a financial rough patch and she was living with her parents while her husband was trying to start a business in Texas. It was a trying time for her and she thought it was important to enlighten me on the difficulties of marriage, which I was not open to hearing at the time.

Fast forward a few years: I was now a young mom of two boys living in Colorado and Karen was teaching classes at a local college in Texas. Ever the seeker of wisdom, Karen would challenge my thinking as we visited late into the night on her stopovers to visit her parents in Wyoming.

There are so many things I could say about Karen. Her accomplishments, talents and interests are quite extensive, but I will let you read about some of those on her website.

What I want you to know about Karen is this: She is a rare soul. She has an insatiable desire to learn, to seek for truth and wisdom and to lovingly share that with others.  I would not be who I am without her love and friendship throughout the years.

Visit her beautiful website [here].

Connect on facebook [here].

See her bookshelf on goodreads [here].

Karen has helped hundreds of women access their own inner wisdom. She formed women's writing groups across the country where these women shared their "their deepest thoughts, feelings, musings, and lessons they’ve learned."

"The women who wrote with me found voices hungering for a deeper form of expression. Their joys and frustrations; complaints; and humorous and wise insights mirror the experiences of many. This book of shared thought invites you to listen to your own heart voice."

Special Guest Authors!

We are fortunate to have President Top and his wife Wendy visit our book group this month.

This husband and wife

were high school sweethearts,

have four children and thirteen? grandchildren,

served in the Peoria Illinois Mission together,

and co-authored some books:

Glimpses Beyond Death's Doors: Gospel Insights Into Near-Death Experiences [here] and [here].

Steven Kapp Perry interviews them about Glimpses [here].

Finding God in the Garden: Planting, Pruning and the Plan of Happiness [here] and [here].

Finding Inward Stillness [here] and [here].

That elusive feeling of self-worth and inner peace came not from what we could do, but from what the Lord can do with us. Many well-meaning Latter-day Saints live the gospel under very strict, self-imposed guidelines. In truth, we are often unreasonably harsh taskmasters when compared to the gentle, kind, loving and tender ways of the Lord. Learn to partake of the inward stillness that only comes by living the gospel according to the guidance of the Holy Spirit. Explore the difference between practicing the gospel of Jesus Christ vs. many of its popular interpretations and accompanying pressures.

They will be discussing two of their books, Finding Inward Stillness and When You Can't Do It Alone, a book President Top wrote about his experiences as a mission president. 

When You Can't Do It Alone [here] and [here].

It's easy to trust in the Lord when everything's going your way. But what happens when you experience challenges and difficulties that leave you so spiritually exhausted that you can't see God's hand in your life? As a newly called mission president for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, author Brent L. Top experienced a severe emotional and spiritual crisis. Desperate for help, he discovered that knowing where to turn is not enough; we must allow the Savior to rescue us. With remarkable candor, this gospel teacher shares a deeply personal story as he describes six essential ways to survive whatever trials we face. With compassion and understanding, he offers practical suggestions on how to say focused on Christ and take hold of His outstreched hand when the storms of life are raging. This insightful and encouraging book is a must for anyone dealing with adversity.

They are a faith-filled couple who have been praised for being"open," "real" and "insightful." We are happy that they would make the time to share their experiences and wisdom with us.

Nonie Darwish--Women in Islam

Nonie Darwish often says "Just because I am pro-Israel does not mean I am anti-Arab, it's just that my culture is in desperate need for reformation which must come from within."

Two thirds the way through this second part, she makes a very good point about the west's influence and mentions Nancy Pelosi. I think she makes a very good point!

"This World Was Never Meant for One as Beautiful as You."

If Vincent hadn't been a failure:

as a bookshop clerk

as an art salesman

as a preacher

as a suitor

Would we have ever been blessed with this?

I love this song:

If you want an explanation of the lyrics, go {here}.


Vincent, 19 years old

Vincent, 13 years old

His Mother

His Father

Brother, Theo

Beloved brothers at rest together.

A new biography of Van Gogh will be published next week: Van Gogh:  the Life by Steven Naifeh and Gregory White Smith. The authors propose an explosive new theory on the cause of Van Gogh's death.


60 Minutes did a  segment on it yesterday.
Part One:
 


Part Two:



CBS News also has a virtual tour of Van Gogh's paintings:



The Van Gogh Museum in Amsterdam hosts more of his work than in any other museum.
Part of its permanent collection:

Sunflowers, 1889

Potato Eaters

Self-portrait as an Artist 1888

Wheatfield with Crows

Van Gogh's paintings are much more impactful when you see them in person. Such broad strokes. And the colors!

I was literally brought to tears when I went to the Van Gogh Museum in Amsterdam.